Ever pay for a movie and then wish you could give all five fingers of your opinion to its director? If you live in San Francisco, and are already despising the upcoming Postal movie, then you'll get your chance soon. On August 11th, Uwe Boll will actually attend the U.S. premiere showing of his Postal movie at the San Francisco Festival of Fantastic Film, which in my opinion, is missing a few more F's in its title.

I can't wait to see how the first audiences will respond to his film, I'm sure plenty of people will walk out before its over. Things should heat up even more after the ending credits though, because after the premiere Uwe Boll plans on giving a "lively" Q&A session. And by lively, I hope it means he'll put on boxing gloves and let his viewers fight him for their refunds. Headlines of "Director Mauled by Moviegoers" would make my day.

Launching a crazy movie based on your game series does two things to your future games. It pisses off a lot of people, and makes them not want to ever give your  games any attention. And for the people who thoroughly enjoy the movie's controversy, they expect just as much to be delivered from the next game. Which is why, these three pictures of a street that will make it onto PCs and Xbox 360s next year look pretty good graphics wise, but are really disappointing. I expected to see something along the lines of Osama Bin Laden telling Gary Coleman to put his mouth on the curb.

Launching a crazy movie based on your game series does two things to your future games. It pisses off a lot of people, and makes them not want to ever give your  games any attention. And for the people who thoroughly enjoy the movie's controversy, they expect just as much to be delivered from the next game. Which is why, these three pictures of a street that will make it onto PCs and Xbox 360s next year look pretty good graphics wise, but are really disappointing. I expected to see something along the lines of Osama Bin Laden telling Gary Coleman to put his mouth on the curb.

So, what will the BloodRayne sequel movie be about? Nudity? Killing school children? Bin Laden? Nope, that's Postal. Well, we can't rule those out yet, but I don't think Bin Laden is a vampire, otherwise he would have just flown himself into the World Trade Center to take care of business by himself. Here's what the trailer shows: "The old west just got wilder . . . With a new breed of cowboys . . . Who only come out at night." Ohhh, you mean Midnight Cowboy? Nope, that's the weird prostitute cowboy movie that won 3 Oscar awards, something Uwe Boll knows nothing about.

So are they cowboys or vampires? Vampboys? Cowpires? Do they ride on horses or suck their blood? Do their horses have names? Will there be a scene where a Cowvamp walks into a bar and spits blood into a spittoon? These are all questions I'm sure Uwe Boll will answer for us, and they're all answers I'm not interested in finding out. This movie looks terrible even by Uwe Boll standards.

We've been waiting for Uwe Boll's response to our reactions over his "humorous" Postal preview video of a plane flying into the World Trade Centers, and here it is. First he commented saying "you must see the scene in the full movie to judge it." Yet, you gave us a short snippet for judging anyway? Leaked you say? Sure, sure. Then, when BollBashers stirred up their Boll hate into full force, Uwe Boll sent one displeased viewer them this message:

Who is patriotic? Is Bush patriotic? If yes, then why the BIN LADEN family could leave the USA as the only airplane leaving America on September 11? If yes then why Bush is so friendly to Saudi Arab - even if everybody knows that the Saudis are the financers of AL KAEDA (and not the IRAK etc.)?

What is patriotic? Believing the pr bullshit of a government hired by the weapon and oil industry to initial wars around the globe? I love America for the freedom of speech and the freedom of thinking and it was time with POSTAL to speak up and to break this selfcensorship apart. Bush and a lot of mass media tried to brainwash the public and now all his politic goes downhill because it is not working. Instead of doing something against the global warming he has nothing else to do as to tank multibillions of $ in a senseless war. Would Bush fight in an Irak-War himself? No! So many young americans are dying in a stupid war for nothing - but Bush gets still considered as a patriot?

Don't think I'm an enemy. POSTAL is a necessary wake up call and we make fun in that movie about everybody. We blame the stupid Islam Extremists as retards and I portrait myself as a Nazi - so there are no rules we are not breaking. Where are the times where a movie like LIFE OF BRIAN was made ?

It was time for POSTAL and you know it and I know it.

Best
Dr. Uwe Boll

And there's your new extremist view. Hasn't he ever heard of Michael Moore's Fahrenheit 9/11 movie? That made the same points back in 2004? Thankfully, Moore's film mainly focused on the depressing fact that poor people, much like his friends and family in his home town, fight the wars while the rich make the hasty, uninformed decisions that change so many lives. Then there's also the Loose Change video that viciously points fingers at all the suspicious outcomes of 9/11, which is of course met by just as many Bush lovers who defend him without ever actually answering the reasonable claims against his decisions. And then there's sadly a small percent of people who look into the black and white evidence and find their own answers, and realize it's a murky grey truth where all extremist sides are only right in small doses. And then . . . there's Uwe Boll. Who doesn't care about the truth, although he claims to, and instead would rather mock the largest American tragedy in its own audiences for a profit. Thanks for the lecture on patriotism, asshole. Oops, "Dr." asshole.

After the newest Postal teaser video pissed everyone off, Vince Desi from Running With Scissors (the company that made the Postal video games) responded to the concerns of the public. Here's all the exerts from his reply smooshed together as one big foot-in-the-mouth meal:

"First, let me say I’m from New York City, but my reason for hating the terrorists is because they are terrorists. Killing innocent people of any age, race, religion is insane, even for 79 virgins. While it’s always funny to mock evil, and let’s face it that’s what these [terrorists] are, we at RWS also try our best to distinguish between dark-spirited satire and purposely hurtful personal attacks, which we do not condone. We also believe that while it is a terrific source of humor to mock extremist views in general, be it straight, gay, bestial, white, black, purple, whatever, we do not feel it is right to mock actual, specific tragedies and poke fun at the expense of innocent victims."

Way to give your rioters the exact response they were looking for, you've pretty much satisfied no one Vince Desi. It would be like if I replied to being called a Sony hater with the following message:

"First, let me say I’m from Pittsburgh, but my reason for hating the PS3 is because it is the PS3. Selling $600 PS3s to innocent people of any age, race, religion is insane. While it’s always funny to mock Sony, and let’s face it that’s what these [Internets] are, I at TLB also try my best to distinguish between Microsoft muckraking and purposely hurtful Wiimotes, which I somewhat condone. I also believe that while it is a terrific source of humor to mock extremist views in general, be it Wii fanboys, PS3 fanboys, 360 fanboys, PSP's existence, whatever, I do not feel it is right to mock actual, specific tragedies, such as the PS3 global launch."

I don't see how the next Postal video could top the last one, it doesn't get much more in your face then crashing a terrorist plane into the camera. I'm sure Uwe Boll will try his hardest though. Likewise, the Nintendo drought is only another month or two away, so I doubt I could become any more of a Sony basher, although I'll definitely try.

First there was Bin Laden asking us to see Uwe Boll's movie Postal, then their was the highly controversial trailers, and now Uwe Boll has set the bar impossibly high. How high? Some random floor of the World Trade Centers high, where a window washer is doing his job until we see the plane crash straight into the building from behind his window. I don't see what the big deal is, Windows crashes all the time for me, you can see Uwe Boll's desperate attention getting video above. I'm surprised the news stations aren't freaking out yet, if they played this video on the 10 o'clock news I'm sure they'd get plenty of extra viewers. If Boll doesn't ignite the nation soon it'll just go by unnoticed like the shitty Scary Movie quality film that it is. No complaints here, I've never wasted money on one of his movies before, and I'm not about to start now.

Last week I mentioned how rich Uwe Boll was going to get off of the highly controversial Postal film that's supposed to contain Bin Laden parodies slathered on top of Columbine shooting scenes, with a few orgies thrown in to help with the aftertaste. The two trailers for the film have just been released and I'm not so sure Uwe Boll will set any records - the trailer makes this look like the type of movie that Comedy Central plays a 1 AM but you don't stay up late enough to watch on purpose. This is Uwe Bolling for Columbine bad.

The narrator and music doesn't help either, I felt like I was watching a Beverly Hillbillies remake. This is the perfect movie for a boring weekend spree of TBS in three years from now when you lose your remote. I'd rather watch Date Movie than pay to see this unorganized mess of a movie, but if you really want to see Dave Foley's balls you can watch the slightly more offensive version here (more Bin Laden footage plus sex with a fat chick).

Uwe Boll is notorious for making films that get terrible reviews and receive terrible sales, but after reading the details of his new video game based movie Postal, that will all change soon. IGN just got to watch the first 20 minutes of his 20 million dollar movie, and it makes the Passion of The Christ look like Veggie Tales - Uwe Boll is going to get rich by doing the following:

• Making Osama Bin Laden one of the main characters
• Killing school children to recreate the Columbine shootings
• Full frontal nudity of News Radio's Dave Foley
• Full backside nudity of Dave Foley as he takes a shit on the camera
  

Postal gets its name from the video game that follows a postal worker who goes crazy one day on the job, and decides to go 'postal' on his entire town, killing everyone in his way. If you've seen Falling Down then you get the idea, but obviously this won't be as appreciated when it comes out in theaters in America. Uwe doesn't stop there though, he also points fingers at America for their violence by laughing at how easy it is to get murderous weapons, and even takes shots at religion by having Dave Foley run a cult that follows his sexual commands in an orgy scene, and by committing felonies in public as well. It's all satire though, so it's all okay according to the foolish filmmakers - they are ready for the amount of backlash the film will gain, and are waiting with open wallets ready to rake it all in. Expect a record breaking amount of news and media controversy, our much hated nemesis might just make one of the most talked about films of the decade. Basically, Uwe Boll is going to get rich by being a jackass, and there's nothing we can do to stop him.

I've seen hairy female priests that look more like Bin Laden than the Postal movie version, but what do you expect from Uwe Boll? Here's an idea, let's forget about Bin Laden and offer an award for Uwe Boll's death instead. We can throw him in jail with Saddam for the boxing match of the century. If Saddam wins he gets to keep his life but is forced to watch Uwe Boll movie s for the rest of his days, and if Uwe Boll wins he gets free admission to film school and is given a second chance at making movies that don't suck. But we carve out his eyeballs as an insurance policy.