You've had more Super Smash Bros. Brawl updates than you can handle? Too bad, here's more racist updates. I say racist, because if there is one set of people I'm racist towards, it is most definitely Delfinos. Fucking hate those Delfinos. I don't care what color Delfino you are, you're fat, and useless, and I hate you. Oh look, a level all about Delfinos, just what I wanted:

"This is the central town of Isle Delfino, the tropical setting of Super Mario Sunshine. Wow! That blue ocean is bright on the eyes. Ahh… It makes me want to swim. This particular battle stage flies around the skies above the island. Fly here and there as you look down on the town below. After a thrilling landing, it becomes a normal battle stage. There are several landing points. This flight path repeats, providing great sightseeing and brawling. The changing scenery is so beautiful, you get absorbed in it. You really feel like a tourist!"

I'm a tourist? Worst tour ever. I hope ten year old terrorists masturbate to goats and then shoot me -- bonus points for telling me what movie that's from. The picture above is just a combined zoom in of two of the four new pictures. I couldn't stand to look at all of Delfino at once, let alone ask you to look at it in all its failure, but if you're feeling daring, feel free to gaze at the gallery below.

Now that they're announcing levels for their game, what other game environments do you want to see make the cut?

The new entries on the Super Smash Bros. Brawl site are updates to the rapid-fire items in the upcoming game. Instead of just sitting in one spot and unloading your ammo, you can now aim your weapon to shoot at different angles by titling the control stick up or down. You can even get up and run around while shooting to make combat even more intense.

They also revealed a new weapon with inevitably racist repercussions. What you see in Mario's hand is the Cracker Launcher, which is the "what were they thinking?" name for their firecracker launcher. This pretty much ensures that one in every four players will scream nothing but "Cracka!" each time they use this weapon during gameplay. Which I can tell you're thrilled about. I've got a friend hated acquaintance who used to spend entire games running around with Link yelling "Boom! Headshot!" as he threw bombs and shot arrows at us. He's already banned from playing Brawl with me. Check out the pictures below for more looks at the Cracker Cannon and images of Wario being a fatass.

The Nintendo characters just keep getting more and more evil lately. In Mario Strikers Charged we saw Mario's feet of fury, and it seems like his hands are also wreaking havoc. Earlier this week we were shown a somewhat weak looking gooey bomb item in Super Smash Bros. Brawl, and now Nintendo is revealing their showstopper:

The Final Smash is a secret skill that can be performed but once…and only after obtaining an item called the Smash Ball, which is a precious item, indeed. The basic gist of it? I suppose you could say it’s kind of like a powerful and personalized hammer. (Or maybe not…) You can look forward to experiencing the glowing personality behind each of the many Final Smashes!

[Mario's] explosion launches out and expands vertically as it travels, so in order to inflict the most damage possible on enemies, it’s best to release this from a slight floating or midair position on either the left or right side of the screen. If Mario launches this at you, you’d better flee!

In other words, Brawl will bring those magical Mario Golf clubs onto the battlefield, and let you use each others' heads as golf balls. This should allow them to offer varied visual slaughters, and make up for certain characters' weaknesses by over compensating on the kaboom factor of their final smash attacks. In Melee I was always the one to boldly take on enemies who had hammers, so this doesn't bode well for idiots like me. Any predictions on what other characters' final smash attacks might be? I want to see Pit quote the 300 movie and blot out the sun with raining arrows.

Nintendo updated their Super Smash Bros. Brawl official site, revealing pictures of Pit and the introduction of a new item for nefarious combat. As the protagonist in Kid Icarus, you'll be able to use Pit's bow in various ways. You can separate it into two separate blades, or use it to shoot beams of light with controllable trajectories. That should make him capable of keeping up with the damage the rest can dish out without being too similar to Link. Here's the details of how the gooey ball in the pictures below works:

"The Gooey Bomb is a bomb that adheres to most things. It's an explosive encased in a gummy goo. It's a little different from a Motion Sensing Bomb in the sense that it can attach itself not only to the terrain, but also to opponents.  However, it's possible to get a Gooey Bomb that's stuck to you to stick to someone else.Touching someone as you pass by may very well cause it to migrate when you least expect it!"

Hot potato tactics will be fun to fight around, I've always been good at Super Smash Bros. games, but my skills revolve around how high the item count is set at. If they're turned off I'll win occasionally, and if they're set to the max I usually win most of my matches with a skill for throwing any item across the entire screen at just the right time for a cheap kill steal. What characters do you guys usually play as in the Nintendo 64 and GameCube versions of the game? I dominated with Kirby on Nintendo 64, but with Melee I'd often use Young Link.

Countdowns are for cool kids, everyone's doing them these days. Grand Theft Auto IV had there countdown on TV, Blizzard is counting through their previous games as the announcement of their mysterious new project grows closer, and even my grandma is counting down the days she has left to live, there's no escaping the growing fad. Now that Bethesda Softworks stole Fallout 3 from Interplay, they've got a site up with a large piece of concept art for the upcoming game, with 21 days left until we get to see a teaser video. Nintendo decided to 1UP them, and now has this page setup for their Super Smash Bros. Brawl game, with only six days left until we get an update, which ironically looks like "8 Days" in "Japan Time" on the site.

All these countdowns make me feel insecure, like The Last Boss is missing something. So I'll start my own, and outdo even Nintendo's six day countdown. In three days, on Friday, expect pictures of a secret project I've been working on. It's appalling, tasteless, and downright dumb, but it had to be done. I'll give updates on Fallout 3 and SSBB when they finally give us more details.

Today's one big Nintendo sandwich, with some tasty ingredients. A rumor in the newest Game Informer magazine is saying that Nintendo will be packing up and relocating their American  offices soon. No big deal, take off the bread and chow down on this meaty meal that Nintendo President Satoru Iwata served us: 

"It will be from around the end of this summer to the end of this year. We will then launch a new title of Super Mario Galaxy, Super Smash Bros. Brawl and Metroid Prime 3: Corruption although the last one is primarily for the overseas markets. These will be the key titles for the period ranging from the summer until the holiday sales season of this year, and I think we will be able to cater to the specific needs you mentioned."

The investors are concerned why things are taking so long, and he filled them in that it's just typical Nintendo style polishing, shoving the sandwich down their throats before we even get a nibble. Okay Nintendo, continue to take your time, but I'm friggin starving here.

Nintendo sent out an official release schedule for their future Wii games - here's what we can expect over the next few months:

• April 9 - Super Paper Mario - Nintendo
• April - Prince of Persia Rival Swords - Ubisoft
• April - Bust-A-Move Bash - Majesco
• April - Bioncle Heroes - Eidos
• May 15 - Mortal Kombat: Armageddon - Midway
• May 29 - Mario Party 8 - Nintendo
• May - Tamagotchi Party On - Namco Bandai
• May - Disney's Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End - Disney Interactive
• May - Escape from Bug Island - Eidos
• May - Spider-Man The Movie 3 - Activision
• June 11 - Big Brain Academy - Nintendo
• June 25 - Pokemon Battle Revolution - Nintendo
• June - Cosmic Family - Ubisoft
• Spring - Heatseeker - Codemasters
• Q2 - Legend of the Dragon - American Game Factory
• Summer - Shrek the Third - Activision
• Summer - Transformers the Game - Activision

Super Paper Mario and Mario Party 8 will be a great gift from Nintendo, but I definitely won't be playing my Wii this summer unless this list expands, which is very possible. Come on Reggie, why does everything have to get pushed back to autumn and winter?

Nintendo is expected to talk about their online gaming today at GDC, as well as why we must wait so damn long for Super Smash Bros. Brawl, Metroid Prime 3, and others. SSBB delays make total sense - they announced the game publicly shortly after starting on the project, which is rare in the industry that loves having something to show for when announcing new games. But there's no reason for Metroid Prime 3 delays, it's pretty obvious that they're still working on Wiimote issues to make sure it won't disappoint.

The director of Super Smash Bros. Brawl was on a Japanese radio station recently, and instead of being a guest on a late night sex talk-show, or narrating a top ten song countdown, he actually gave out some new details on his upcoming Wii fighting game. Masashiro Sakurai announced that the Metroid villain Ridley would be joining the already announced Samus and Zero Suit Samus characters. He also mentioned that the Ice Climbers, Mr. Game & Watch, and Young Link will not be featured, but that Celda Link (Link from Wind Waker) would be replacing the young hero. The last new character he named was Bowser Jr., which makes me think that Baby Mario and Baby Luigi will also be included on the next roster announcement. The cel-shaded Link character will definitely be the first fighter I try out, but I'd prefer having Link from Majora's Mask as a playable character - being able to morph into the Deku, Goron, and Zora forms would be so much better than the typical bomb and arrow style combat we're used to. I'm still looking for Mega Man, Bomberman, and a dozen other characters announced soon. Any predictions?

It's been a while since we've seen or heard any new information about Super Smash Bros Brawl for the Nintendo Wii, but there's a new trailer for the game thanks to the Nintendo World 2006 event. You'll see plenty of moves from each of the cast that was already revealed, including Snake, and the trailer also reveals some of the different maps and their features. For only being in development for half a year or so it's starting to look like we'll have another great Super Smash Bros game in the next year.

The NeoGaf sleuths have stumbled upon another news gem -- Super Smash Bros Brawl is one of the most anticipated Nintendo Wii games even though we're not expecting to see much of it any time soon. But at this year's Nintendo World 2006 Nintendo actually plans to show off some real time gameplay of it, however, they're not going to let anyone get their hands on it. At Brawl's stage of life though, any news is good news, hopefully they'll slip up and reveal some new secrets to the game and what to expect as far as gameplay and selectable characters goes.